A very rough guide to the Southern Lake District!

Is not very near to Windermere lake! This is where the train rocks up and the road from the M6 via the Kendal bypass gives you your first really nice views over the lake. To get to Windermere lake you will want to head to...

Bowness on Windermere.
This is where all the tourists end up, especially on a Saturday night.

Another tourist trap and the best place to buy expensive waterproof clothing & mountaineering equipment that you can wear to go shopping in (this is most evident on the streets of Ambleside at weekends!)

Like Bowness and Ambleside rolled in to one but with a pencil museum to keep you occupied on wet days.
To be fair it also has the "cars of the stars" exhibit and the new & very groovy James Bond car museum.

A little village with plenty of gift shops.

There are loads of them! There are also lots of Tarns (little lakes, mostly named Blea Tarn) and rivers. It gets quite wet in the Lake District… hence all the lakes!

There are lots of these too! Call them fells and look knowledgeable. Feel free to walk and climb on them but try not to do this in trainers and high heels! Those that get lost or fall over often get a free ride down the fells on a board in a Land Rover or a trip in an RAF helicopter. Those that get lost WILL get eaten by sheep… or locals.

Expect to drive really (really) slowly on busy days, if it is raining or if the car in front has a sat nav and/or there is a nice view. Also many stretches of main road are in poor condition. This is due to the local council spending our money on topping up their pensions. The worst areas are between Bowness and Windermere (free wheel bearings for locals please!) and at Troutbeck Bridge. Many smaller roads have better surfaces so they are treated like race tracks despite being narrow and winding. Many tourists find it easier to use the wrong side of the road to gather speed on blind corners! Budget for new wing mirrors when visiting Hawkshead.

There are plenty of pretty Lakeland cottages set in picturesque scenery. These are not usually owned by locals but are available to rent on a weekly basis for huge sums of money. Otherwise they are kept as an “investment” by city types who really need a place in the country to take their Range Rovers to once a year. Most locals actually end up living in Kendal where the average house price isn’t £350K.

Please tell them about how you love the Lakes because it is a great place to walk/climb/canoe/bike/stay/visit/eat/drink etc. but remember that they are serving you in a shop/café/boat/kiosk etc. and are on minimum wage if they are lucky.
Also do not disrespect them or annoy them on the roads, they know all the most secluded places to hide a body.